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TV bosses under Government scrutiny

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The Government’s Culture Department has announced that it will “Name and shame” ITV executives in the coming months. This follows new legislation aimed at tackling the growing blandness and “dumbing down” of British culture.

The department said it had to take this regrettable step after the televising of recent programs by ITV. It says, programs such as “The Planet’s Funniest Architects”, “Whinge Island” and last week’s episode of the soap, “Emmerdale”, where the storyline included all of the cast being kidnapped and sent to North Korea, have “overstepped the boundaries”, of what is acceptable as television programs.

They were especially disappointed at “Whinge Island”, where the friends of a cousin of a man who once starred in a car advert, were put together on an island, to whinge and moan about each other for an hour. Also criticised, were the frequent appearances of people who were once in one soap, appearing in another. The government said, “People were often unsure which program they were watching”.

ITV executives hit back at claims the TV station was “dumbing down”. “That is not true. We produce good quality programs that our advertisers want. People are entertained by our programs, but not excited. We want people to be calm, so that they will buy more of the goods advertised on our station. If our viewers are excited or aggravated in any way, they might begin to think and that is always a dangerous thing, as far as our advertisers are concerned”, said a spokesperson.

“We are revamping the station in the autumn. There will be new game shows with Ant and Dec. A new thirteen part historical series about the French Revolution, hosted by Joe Pasquale, will be on our screens. We can honestly say, that we are aiming for the top”.

A Culture Department spokesperson said, “If we don’t crack down on ITV now, there will be another program made. It will be called ‘Empty Island’, where the whole of the UK population says, ‘enough is enough’ and leaves the country”.


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